This afternoon, I went to the wake of my co-teacher's father. As I looked at the coffin and fixed my gaze to a 66-year old man lying peacefully at his casket, I realized that life is really very short. With this realization, I told myself I have to enjoy life, savor each moment and each passing day as if there will be no next day. But as I was telling this to myself, a part of me is saying, "How could I ever enjoy life if I feel burdened with a lot of works to accomplish. No matter how I told myself, every thing will come to pass, I still worry when it will be over." Every day, I fret over things I cannot accomplish because no matter how I exert much effort, things do not get done because I am not in control of every thing. I still have to rely on other people's pacing and this I get so impatient about.
How I wish I can just tell other people to work according to my plan; to follow the deadline I set so that every thing can be done so easily. But it can never be. People are people. They have their own minds and they have their own schedules which perhaps are in conflict with mine. In situations like this, I try to really be patient and understanding, but it is to no avail. That's why I feel like bursting, I feel all kinds of body pains - headache, backache, stomachache and the like.
Little do I know that these body pains I feel are already physical manifestations of an illness. As I got the results of my laboratory tests, the doctor told me that I have a thyroid nodule which needs to be removed via surgery. The biopsy indicates that there are certain hurtle cell cyst features or in layman's term, the cyst is indiscriminate, which may either be benign or malignant. To be sure about the findings, a thorough examination of the entire nodule that will be extracted from my thyroid will be done through biopsy. Upon hearing what the doctor said, I got so sad and afraid, that I felt tears welling from my eyes.
Out of fear for surgical operation, I resort to alternative medicine called blood stasis or the process of detoxification. The first time I met the doctor, he said that I had to change my lifestyle since he sensed that my level of anxiety is so high. He further explained that stress and anxieties affect the digestion of food, which is very vital for our organs to function effectively since the nutrients come from the food we eat which is processed in the digestive system.
What the doctor said hit me like a thunderbolt. And on that very day, I promised myself that I will try my very best to really savor the beauty of life, to shun away temptations of worrying too much, to trust God above all and give in to the workings of the Holy Spirit to lead me to the right path amidst life's tremendous challenges.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A sacrifice
As I was riding a boat from our place going to my workplace, I happened to overhear a conversation of two ladies sitting behind me.
"I was hurt, but I have to give way. I need to sacrifice because one innocent life is involved," a 25-year old woman said to her friend.
"What happened?" her friend asked.
"My boyfriend and I quarreled over a trivial matter and we didn't talk for almost a month. Then, one time he came to me and confessed that he impregnated a girl whom he had known for less than a month.
"I really cried upon hearing what he said. Then, he was begging me to come back to him and marry him. He said that he never loved the girl and it was I whom he really loved. But then I told him, no, you should go back to the girl. I don't want to carry the guilt of depriving a baby of a father simply because I have become selfish."
"How long have you been together as boyfriend/girlfriend?"
"We have been together for 5 years. What a waste, but I can sacrifice this relationship and my love for my boyfriend because of an innocent baby."
"How old is the girl?"
"She's 20 years old, and my boyfriend is 24 years old. If only I could turn back the hands of time but I can't. Though I love him so much, but because I am a Christian and a teacher at that, I have to give in."
Listening to their conversation, I felt quite happy knowing that there are still people like that teacher who thinks of the good of others rather than hers. I do hope that her courage to let go of her beloved for the sake of others will be the same courage that we can all have -the willingness to let go of something very significant for us no matter how painful it is just to make others happy.
"I was hurt, but I have to give way. I need to sacrifice because one innocent life is involved," a 25-year old woman said to her friend.
"What happened?" her friend asked.
"My boyfriend and I quarreled over a trivial matter and we didn't talk for almost a month. Then, one time he came to me and confessed that he impregnated a girl whom he had known for less than a month.
"I really cried upon hearing what he said. Then, he was begging me to come back to him and marry him. He said that he never loved the girl and it was I whom he really loved. But then I told him, no, you should go back to the girl. I don't want to carry the guilt of depriving a baby of a father simply because I have become selfish."
"How long have you been together as boyfriend/girlfriend?"
"We have been together for 5 years. What a waste, but I can sacrifice this relationship and my love for my boyfriend because of an innocent baby."
"How old is the girl?"
"She's 20 years old, and my boyfriend is 24 years old. If only I could turn back the hands of time but I can't. Though I love him so much, but because I am a Christian and a teacher at that, I have to give in."
Listening to their conversation, I felt quite happy knowing that there are still people like that teacher who thinks of the good of others rather than hers. I do hope that her courage to let go of her beloved for the sake of others will be the same courage that we can all have -the willingness to let go of something very significant for us no matter how painful it is just to make others happy.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Reflection on Siblings' Relationship
Throughout this day, I was with the company of my sisters, I felt quite saddened because I did experience being cut short at the middle of my utterances by my elder sister whom I have looked up to for years. Well, I know nobody is perfect. Yet, I cannot help myself from having this kind of resentment towards her.
It was the very first time that I was stopped from talking in a public place by my sister who was not in the mood the whole day. Then, on hindsight, I realized, I also did the same thing to my younger sister. Since this was the very first time for me to have experienced such thing, it was kind of painful. Me, a mature adult, a professional at that, being hushed without even listening to the merits of my statements. Then, right there and then, as if a thunderbolt struck me in the head, and made me think, “Oh, it sounds familiar, I have done such thing before – letting my sister stop talking right at the middle of our conversation. My only reason was I was so tired doing my work the whole day and I wanted to rest, and I refused to hear any more noise so as I could retire that night.
Little did I know that I was hurting my sister’s feeling then. It was only when I did experience the same embarrassing situation of being hushed, that I was able to understand how it felt.
This insight taught me a great lesson about how I can improve my relationship with my siblings. Yes, I was hurt, yes I was saddened by the experience, yes, I was kind of pissed off but with little wisdom I gained from such a painful circumstance in my life, I learned to be more careful with every word I will say; lest, I may continuously cause misery and pain to my loved ones.
It was the very first time that I was stopped from talking in a public place by my sister who was not in the mood the whole day. Then, on hindsight, I realized, I also did the same thing to my younger sister. Since this was the very first time for me to have experienced such thing, it was kind of painful. Me, a mature adult, a professional at that, being hushed without even listening to the merits of my statements. Then, right there and then, as if a thunderbolt struck me in the head, and made me think, “Oh, it sounds familiar, I have done such thing before – letting my sister stop talking right at the middle of our conversation. My only reason was I was so tired doing my work the whole day and I wanted to rest, and I refused to hear any more noise so as I could retire that night.
Little did I know that I was hurting my sister’s feeling then. It was only when I did experience the same embarrassing situation of being hushed, that I was able to understand how it felt.
This insight taught me a great lesson about how I can improve my relationship with my siblings. Yes, I was hurt, yes I was saddened by the experience, yes, I was kind of pissed off but with little wisdom I gained from such a painful circumstance in my life, I learned to be more careful with every word I will say; lest, I may continuously cause misery and pain to my loved ones.
Passing Through the Ordeal
As one grows older
He is expected to grow in wisdom
Yet why is it not true to every one?
Sometimes, the person you expect to have it
Is the one devoid of such divine gift
I know how hard it is to attain wisdom
For one gains it by passing through the ordeal of fire
Tested in the hottest furnace
Blended with monstrous flame
Result: Hardened metal
Capable of enduring
More than the intensity of heat previously endured
That’s how trials of fire have molded a person
Soft when he enters,
Hardened when he exits.
He is expected to grow in wisdom
Yet why is it not true to every one?
Sometimes, the person you expect to have it
Is the one devoid of such divine gift
I know how hard it is to attain wisdom
For one gains it by passing through the ordeal of fire
Tested in the hottest furnace
Blended with monstrous flame
Result: Hardened metal
Capable of enduring
More than the intensity of heat previously endured
That’s how trials of fire have molded a person
Soft when he enters,
Hardened when he exits.
Friday, May 7, 2010
How to Be in Control When You feel Like Bursting
There are a lot of situations in our lives that put our temper into test.
As I was working on our school yearbook, I requested my staff to look for missing materials and then try checking them against those profiles already encoded. He did the sorting and encoding the whole day, but then all of a sudden it could not be saved in any flash disk. "How sad," I sighed.
Then, in the summary report encoded about the lacking materials, I noticed that there were still so many missing profiles of graduates. To top it all, I had to send them messages via email to submit their personal information and photos.
I have been working for the same yearbook for almost 2 years now and still the collection of materials is very very slow.
In my desperation, I wanted to really shout at the top of my voice, I wanted to put all the nasty words in the graduates' face book walls just for me to force them to submit. But I couldn't do it, because I have a name to protect and besides I am in a Catholic school and a teacher at that who is supposed to be a model of modesty, respect and all that good virtues. Sometimes, I get so fed up trying to please every body. But then again, I said to myself, every thing will come to pass. I will be able to accomplish it any way. I should not fret, and say nasty words because I know that whatever I have already said can no longer be unsaid. Whatever hurts I caused through my words are irreversible.
With these insights, I learned to tame my tongue. So, every time, I feel like cursing any one, shouting at them, hurling them all the negative words I could ever say, I just stop, count from 1 to 10, and pray hard to control my emotion, my anger.
Through the years, I have mastered this technique. It only takes the will and strong faith in God to really be in control amidst negative circumstances that we shall find ourselves in.
As I was working on our school yearbook, I requested my staff to look for missing materials and then try checking them against those profiles already encoded. He did the sorting and encoding the whole day, but then all of a sudden it could not be saved in any flash disk. "How sad," I sighed.
Then, in the summary report encoded about the lacking materials, I noticed that there were still so many missing profiles of graduates. To top it all, I had to send them messages via email to submit their personal information and photos.
I have been working for the same yearbook for almost 2 years now and still the collection of materials is very very slow.
In my desperation, I wanted to really shout at the top of my voice, I wanted to put all the nasty words in the graduates' face book walls just for me to force them to submit. But I couldn't do it, because I have a name to protect and besides I am in a Catholic school and a teacher at that who is supposed to be a model of modesty, respect and all that good virtues. Sometimes, I get so fed up trying to please every body. But then again, I said to myself, every thing will come to pass. I will be able to accomplish it any way. I should not fret, and say nasty words because I know that whatever I have already said can no longer be unsaid. Whatever hurts I caused through my words are irreversible.
With these insights, I learned to tame my tongue. So, every time, I feel like cursing any one, shouting at them, hurling them all the negative words I could ever say, I just stop, count from 1 to 10, and pray hard to control my emotion, my anger.
Through the years, I have mastered this technique. It only takes the will and strong faith in God to really be in control amidst negative circumstances that we shall find ourselves in.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
life's lessons
Earlier this morning, I took an FX (means of transportation) from Cubao going to a university in Manila. I stopped at Pedro Gil and took another jeepney. All the while I thought what I did was right. Then, I realized, the FX from where I alighted would drop by the university where I would go. I never even dared to ask the driver. I just relied on instructions given by my sister.
Many times it happened that I went to the wrong directions or if not took me a long while before I could reach my destinations simply because I relied on instructions given by people who too may not be sure of the exact locations of places I was looking for.
These circumstances could have been avoided if I had only asked the right person. But who is the right person? Can we claim it's our best friend who loves us dearly and who will never ever leave us through thick and thin? Or can it be our father or mother who is always there for us, who rejoices over our triumphs and weeps with us in our failures.
Knowing the right person is quite tricky, because sometimes even your family, you cannot even rely on or worse, they at times become the cause of your miseries.
In times of trouble, when you feel the world is crumbling down upon you. Gaze up in the Heavens and you will feel God's unconditional love. He loves you so much that He chose to die for your sins that you may have an eternal life.
Many times it happened that I went to the wrong directions or if not took me a long while before I could reach my destinations simply because I relied on instructions given by people who too may not be sure of the exact locations of places I was looking for.
These circumstances could have been avoided if I had only asked the right person. But who is the right person? Can we claim it's our best friend who loves us dearly and who will never ever leave us through thick and thin? Or can it be our father or mother who is always there for us, who rejoices over our triumphs and weeps with us in our failures.
Knowing the right person is quite tricky, because sometimes even your family, you cannot even rely on or worse, they at times become the cause of your miseries.
In times of trouble, when you feel the world is crumbling down upon you. Gaze up in the Heavens and you will feel God's unconditional love. He loves you so much that He chose to die for your sins that you may have an eternal life.
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