Overcoming depression

As I woke up this morning, I felt quite depressed.  I couldn’t explain why.  The previous day I was kind of vibrant, finishing my editing tasks.  Then, just this morning, I had a different mood.  Call it mood swings but rarely does it happen to me.  Even amidst this unexplainable feeling, I dressed up , fixed myself, faked a smile as I looked at myself at the mirror for I believe that I am the captain of my ship, so I could set the tone for my day’s activities.

In the afternoon, a miracle happened, seemingly my  loneliness vanished instantly.  Do you want to know how it happened?

Every Sunday, I am used to attending the Light of Jesus “The Feast” comprising of a Holy Mass and a talk.  So even if I felt quite heavy due to lack of sleep and my little depression, I still attended the Mass.  During the Homily of the priest, I was moved to tears when he shared about the story of an old man who  evidently suffered from stroke because of his distorted speech.  That man approached the counter of a drug store, took out his money and gave the pharmacist the doctor’s prescription of his medicine.  In his slurred speech, he tried to communicate with the pharmacist.  After his transaction, he smiled at the priest beside him even if he never knew him.  His smile communicated profound joy that despite his physical handicap,
he is still happy with his life. Not a tinge of sorrow can be seen in his eyes.
Upon hearing that story, I began to reflect on my life.  I started asking myself questions like, “What is really making me sad?  Why am I not happy with my life despite the bountiful blessings I have been receiving from God? Why do I still feel this kind of emptiness?   Deep within me, I found answers to these questions.  That the reasons for my loneliness and depression are my inability to accomplish all my pending work and projects and my being envious of others’ fortune and talents.  All the while I thought I have already overcome envy.  But now I realized it is coming back.  Finding all these reasons makes me at peace with myself knowing what to work on in my spiritual life.  Then, with this realization, I recalled once again that story of an old man.   Using his life as an inspiration, I tried to forget all those worries, anxieties and envy in my head.  I also prayed over them so that I will no longer be bothered by those negative thoughts.  And thanks be to God, I can now say, I’m happy- happy despite all my work loads,  despite my imperfections, and despite my feeling of insecurities that there are better and more talented people than I am.

I just do hope that this kind of joyful feeling will last.